


In my time of dying

by vianbarnes



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel/Dean Winchester Mutual Pining, Episode Fix-It: s15e20 Carry On, Fix-It, Idiots in Love, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:15:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27767341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vianbarnes/pseuds/vianbarnes
Summary: “Okay, let’s find those kids. Get ‘em out of here”.“Sam” says Dean lightly, looking down at his chest. “I don’t- I don’t think I’m going anywhere”.Dean is dying right in front of his eyes, but Sam doesn't know what to do. He needs help, but who can help them and get there in time to save his brother?He's desperate. He knows there's no point in doing it, but it's his last resort. He closes his eyes and starts praying.Sam prays, prays with all his heart and soul. He screams, asking for help. Nothing.Everything is silent, when suddenly the brothers hear a familiar noise behind them.Castiel is staring at them, just as confused as they are to see him in that barn.
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 12
Kudos: 283





	In my time of dying

**Author's Note:**

> hi everyone!  
> i've had this headcanon in my head for a while - ever since the finale actually - and i finally decided to revive my account to write it and post it. it's been a couple of months since i wrote something this long so please, be kind - and forgive me for any mistakes or typos i definitely made.
> 
> as you probably can tell, the fic stars right when dean gets hurt in 15.20 but i couldn't let my baby dean winchester die like that so i had to fix it somehow. this is how i imagined the second half of the finale. the only scenario that could have saved the episode for me. let's pretend these are some of the "secret scenes" misha went back to film but that will never see the light of day *denial mode activates*
> 
> anyway, as usual you can find me on twitter if you wanna discuss the fic or have any comments on it  
> i hope you'll enjoy it and that in some way it can help you erase the actual finale from your memory. <3
> 
> (yes the title is once again a led zeppelin reference but what did you expect)

“Okay, let’s find those kids. Get ‘em out of here”.

“Sam” says Dean lightly, looking down at his chest. “I don’t- I don’t think I’m going anywhere”.

Sam stops for a second, looking confused. Then, he notices why Dean seems to be stuck and can’t move. His knees almost give up once he realizes what this means.

“Just give me a minute” whispers Dean, still trying to come to terms with the fact that he’s about to die. That after all those years of fighting, that barn will be the last place he’s ever going to see. That he will never see the light of day ever again. He sighs, defeated.

It doesn’t take him too long to accept it – after all, he always thought he was going to end up like this anyway. Sam on the other hand, is walking around nervously, trying to come up with a plan to save his brother.

“Sam, stop. Come here”

“Stop? Dean, I can’t let you die like this! Are you kidding me?” Sam inadvertently raises his voice, clearly panicking “This can’t be it for you. No! I’ll call for help, I’ll get the first aid kit”.

“S-Sammy” protests Dean, almost out of breath. “You know you can’t call for help. How are you gonna explain all those dead bodies lying on the ground, huh? Please. S-stay with me”.

Sam sighs and gets closer to his brother, holding him by the shoulders. Still, he isn’t ready to give up on him just yet.

He closes his eyes.

“Jack? Jack are you there?” whispers Sam, starting his prayer. “Listen, I know you said you didn’t want to interfere with our lives anymore and I get it, trust me I do. But please, we really need you right now. Dean needs you. Help us, please. Just this once. Jack, please. Help him.”

Silence.

Dean’s skin is turning bluer by the second, but he still has the strength to give his brother a – sad and defeated – smile. “Sammy, c’mon.”

“N-no Dean. There’s gotta be another way. Damnit!”. Sam knows he’s out of options, that there’s nothing he can do to save his brother at this point. He’s panicking, he’s shaking, but he’s not giving up. He closes his eyes and stars praying again.

“Cas? Can you hear me?” Sam is aware of the fact that there’s no point in doing this because Castiel is in the Empty and the only person who was able to reach him the last time he was there was Jack, a powerful nephilim. However, it’s also his last resort.

As soon as he hears Castiel’s name, silent tears start streaming down Dean’s face.

“Castiel, please. Dean needs you right now. I don’t even know if you’re awake in the Empty. B-but please. He c-”

“Sam” interrupts Dean, putting a hand on Sam’s shoulder to make him open his eyes and look at him. He’s fully crying now, tears down to his chin. “He can’t hear you. H-he’s gone. They’re all gone. It’s just you and me now.”

“No Dean, it can’t be. Someone needs to help us, right now. After all we’ve done for this world. After all _you_ have done, you don’t deserve this!” Sam steps a little further from Dean and starts looking at the ceiling instead – screaming - as if he’s directing his words to someone else. “Jack? Cas? C’mon, Dean needs you! Castiel! Jack! Help him, please! I’m begging you!”

Silence, again.

And so it hits him. No one is coming to rescue them. No one is going to save Dean. Dean Winchester is going to die in a barn, in pain.

They’re all alone.

He runs to Dean, holding him again and muttering under his breath “I’m sorry”.

Suddenly, a familiar sound coming from the back of the barn startles the brothers.

/

_“Cas? Can you hear me?”_

_The sound of Sam’s broken voice resonates throughout the Empty, contrasting all the noise that was ruling the dimension ever since Jack exploded inside of it._

_At first, Castiel can’t quite understand what Sam is saying. However, he can feel that something is wrong. He wonders why Sam is the one calling his name and not Dean._

_“Jack? Cas? C’mon, Dean needs you! Castiel! Jack! Help him, please! I’m begging you!”_

_This time, it’s clear as day. Dean is in danger and Sam is asking for his help. But what can he do? He’s stuck in the Empty and there’s no chance he’ll annoy it so much that he can leave. Not again, not after the deal._

_Cas starts panicking, knowing that the man he loves and that he sacrificed his life for is dying in that exact moment and there’s nothing he can do. He swore he would always do anything in his power to protect Dean Winchester, but now that he needs to be saved he’s failing. He’s powerless._

_“Castiel? Did you hear it too?”_

_Cas turns around, Jack is standing right in front of him – frowning, confused._

_“Jack!” Cas runs into his son’s arms, hugging him lovingly – after all, he never had the chance to say goodbye to him before he was taken by the Empty._

_“You have to go” replies Jack, firm tone in his voice. Absorbing Chuck and Amara’s powers didn’t exactly change him, but even Cas could notice that something was different from the last time he saw him. He looked more confident, more sure of himself._

_“Go? Where? I can’t leave, Jack. You were there, you know about the deal”._

_“Castiel, I promised myself I would never go back on Earth. I don’t belong there anymore.” says Jack, stepping closer to his father. “I can’t help him, but you can. Dean needs you. It has to be you.”_

_“But how?” asks Cas, guessing that maybe Jack can convince the Empty to let him go just in time to heal Dean, before taking him back again. “Can you do it?”_

_“The only thing the Empty has ever wanted is silence. Quiet. I can do that. I can do more than that, but on my terms.”_

_Castiel opens his mouth to reply to what Jack just said, but gets cut off by him again. “I’ll deal with it. You go to him. Save him. Save Dean Winchester”._

_Before he knows it, Cas is standing in a dark barn in the middle of nowhere. Both of the brothers staring at him in disbelief._

/

“Great, now I’m hallucinating” chuckles Dean, in-between coughs. “Oh boy.”

Sam ignores Dean and keeps his eyes on what seems to be Castiel. “Castiel? Is that you?”

But Cas doesn’t answer, he just walks rapidly towards Dean while Sam steps back, not sure of what’s happening.

“I’m here, Dean.”

“Y-you’re here?” repeats Dean after Cas, trying to convince himself that he’s not in Heaven already and that it’s all real. He puts both of his hands on Cas, gently touching his chest - just to make sure. “You’re here”.

“Sam.” Cas turns suddenly to the other brother, worried look on his face. “My powers are not what they used to be, but I still think I can heal him. You just have to hold him. Keep him alive.”

They both nod at each other, trusting that it’ll work. _Hoping_ it’ll work.

After counting to three, Sam and Cas grab Dean by the arms to free him from the piece of rebar that was keeping him standing and gently place him on the ground.

The pain is excruciating – Dean almost passes out – but Sam is right there by his side, while Cas is ready to start healing him.

“Sam? Sam, I’m going crazy. I think I see Cas”. Dean is struggling to keep his eyes open, he’s chuckling and shaking at the same time.

“Dean, listen to me. I need you to be quiet and save your strength, alright? It’s gonna be okay. I’m here” whispers Cas, putting his hand on Dean’s bloody and deep wound.

To Castiel’s surprise – and Sam’s – a huge beam of light starts coming out of his hand. The wound closes up immediately and with absolutely no effort from the angel.

“M-my powers. They’re back” observes Cas, shocked. “…my wings too.”

The thought of losing Dean distracted Castiel so much that he didn’t realize until that moment that, not only Jack brought him back to Earth – freeing him from the deal with the Empty forever – but he also restored his grace fully, making him the angel he once was.

“What about Dean? Is he okay?” asks Sam, genuinely afraid of the answer.

As Cas responds, Dean opens his eyes and looks around.

“He’s okay. The wound was very deep, it’s gonna hurt for a bit. But he’s gonna be fine”.

Sam feels like a huge weight has been lifted off his chest. Dean is fine, he’s safe.

With both Cas and Sam’s help, Dean sits up and breathes deeply, touching the spot on his chest where just a few seconds before there was a huge hole that was killing him.

“Cas” says finally Dean, looking straight into his eyes. “Thank you.”

As usual, Castiel doesn’t answer. He just gives him a nod, also looking him into his eyes.

Sam and Dean never talked about what Dean’s last moments with Castiel were like – he figured his brother was too traumatized and sad that there was no need to make him relive that, not for a while at least. Despite that, Sam can sense that _something_ must have happened, because in that moment they’re staring at each other in a way that they’ve never done before. He knows how much they mean to each other, he always has.

Another sudden noise distracts them, but this time it’s coming from the opposite direction of the barn. It’s the back door, creaking. Two small heads pop out of the door, confused and unsure if it’s safe to come out.

Sam gasps gently, he forgot about the two kids they went there to save in the first place.

“Hey, come here. It’s fine. You can come out now”. He gestures for them to come forward.

“Let me get up first and then we’ll go. Give me a minute. And this time I mean it” says Dean, trying to get back on his feet but clearly too in pain to do it. Cas holds him tighter by the arm.

“You know what? You two stay here for a little longer. I’ll take the kids somewhere safe and then come back to get you.” Dean doesn’t even have the time to reply to his brother, Sam is already out the door with the kids – deeply satisfied that he found a way to give Cas and Dean a moment alone.

Once the gate shuts, Dean and Cas both look at each other again, sighing.

“I can’t believe you’re really here. You saved me. How?” asks Dean, tears of gratitude and happiness in his eyes.

“Jack” exclaims the angel, smiling at Dean. “He heard Sam’s prayer, we both did. I don’t know how but he made the Empty quiet again. The deal is off, I don’t have to go back. I’m free.”

“Wow”. That’s the only thing Dean can say in that moment. He spent the last few weeks imagining how it would feel to even see Cas again but now that he’s standing in front of him – safe and free - it still feels like it can’t be real.

Dean holds out his hand to Cas, signaling him that he’s ready to get up. Once he does, the barn falls silent again.

“Cas, I-”

“Dean, you don-”

They both speak at the same time, slightly embarrassed.

“You don’t have to say anything, Dean. I don’t need you to.”

“Let me, Cas. I really need to say something.” Dean stops to take a breath, clears his throat, then continues. “When you rescued me from Hell and came into my life, I didn’t know what to expect, what to think. Before I met you I had no faith, I didn’t even think angels were real. But then you arrived, and everything changed.”

Deans takes a step closer to Cas. “You looked inside of me, saw the real me, and told me I was worth saving. That I was worth _something_. I never believed that before. And then you gave up everything you’ve even known for me. You rebelled against your own kind for me. _Me_. I could never understand why.”

Cas desperately wants to say something, but just like that time at the bunker Dean let him speak without interrupting, he knows now it’s time for him to do the same and listen.

“I couldn’t understand why you would do this for me. Over the years I watched you deal with feelings – human feelings – and experience them for the first time. I knew you were starting to understand how it feels to be human. But for some reason I always thought you weren’t capable of feeling love, not the way I feel it. You’re still an angel after all. Hell, why would an angel waste his time falling in love with a human? Especially if that human is me.”

Tears start coming out of Dean’s eyes, so he’s forced to pause his speech for a second. Cas breathes deeply, wishing he could hold him in that moment. He can’t handle seeing him like that, but he has to wait until Dean has said everything he needs to.

“Cas, I didn’t know” blurts out Dean, sobbing uncontrollably. “All this time I thought you could never feel the same way I feel about you. I never had the courage to tell you. You mean too much to me, I couldn’t risk losing you. I thought I could just take the time we had together and enjoy it as it was. It was enough.”

“Dean” whispers Cas, not able to stay silent anymore, as he raises his hand and brushes Dean’s shoulder gently. For once, Dean doesn’t fight the touch but welcomes it instead.

Deans erases the distance between him and Cas almost entirely. They’re so close Castiel can feel Dean’s breath on his face.

“Then you told me you loved me. And I was so overwhelmed that I lost my chance and didn’t have time to say anything. I lost my chance to tell you how wrong you are.” Dean swallows, using those seconds to gather up all the courage he has left in his body. “You said that I’m the one thing you want, but you know you can’t have. Well, you’re wrong, dumbass. You can have me, I’m yours. I always have been. It’s always been you. _I love you, Cas_. So freaking much!”

There they are, the words Castiel has been dying to hear for years.

They both smile, relieved that everything’s out in the open, but also slightly embarrassed that it took this long for them to realize they’ve been pining for each other all this time.

Finally, Dean grabs Castiel’s face and kisses him gently, but passionately. All those years of unspoken words and basking into the rare moments of physical contact between them are behind them.

Dean has never felt like this before – and neither has Cas – but they both know it feels right. That this is how it’s supposed to feel.

Forehead against forehead, the two can’t stop giggling like teenagers. In disbelief, but happy.

/

Sam texted Dean that he was on his way back a couple of minutes ago, so now Dean and Cas are waiting outside, both staring at the stars in the sky.

“So, what are you gonna do now? Now that you have all your angel juice back I mean. ET goes home again?” asks Dean, avoiding Castiel’s eyes. Even if they spent the last thirty minutes making out and professing their undying love to each other, somehow Dean still finds a way to let his insecurities creep in and make him doubt himself.

“I don’t know” replies Cas, unexpectedly. “I have the feeling that Jack needs my help. I think I’m gonna go talk to him once you fall asleep.”

“Oh, so now you don’t wanna watch over me?”

Cas looks at him confused - almost offended - and Dean can’t help but smile because Cas didn’t pick up on the sarcasm. He’s never loved him more than in that moment.

“And then what?” continues Dean, humoring him.

“I really don’t know. I mean I missed having my powers but… somehow I feel like they don’t belong to me anymore. That’s not who I am.”

“What are you saying? You’ve been an angel since the beginning of time. Literally.”

“And now I feel more human than ever” admits Cas, turning to Dean to look at him directly. “The idea of coming home to you every day and growing old by your side is more exciting than spending eternity like I always have. I don’t want that anymore. _I want you, Dean_. You mean more than my grace ever will.”

“Cas” whispers Dean, before kissing his _devastatingly handsome_ angel again. “I can’t let you do this”.

“It’s my choice, Dean. Free will, remember?” he chuckles, they both do.

“He’s got jokes now, wow. I’m starting to think I’m a bad influence on you!” replies Dean, pressing his shoulder against Castiel’s.

They stay silent for a few seconds, enjoying the beautiful sky above them and the comforting breeze.

“You know what? We don’t have to decide now.” Dean takes Castiel’s hand and he squeezes it. “We’ll see where the future takes us. After all, we’re making it up as we go, right?”.

**Author's Note:**

> oookaaaay so.  
> the thought of cas hearing sam's desperate prayer to save dean over all the noise in the empty has haunted me since the finale. i think it could have genuinely made sense like???? it could have been enough for the bibros to be happy too!! 
> 
> dean thinking he's hallucinating when he sees cas is my fav thing in the world at the moment. oh and let's take a moment to appreciate heller sam <3
> 
> anywayss this is how i thought the episode could be saved, what do you think?  
> let me know below love you all :)


End file.
